running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
