Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
