Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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