I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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