You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
