my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
