I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Randomize