They should really pass out barf bags in church
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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