Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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