so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
