i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
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