and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
