I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Farmville is her only friend.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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