Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
