I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
