Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I'm at about main and main street
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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