Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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