youre lurking in front of me
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
