i already hear my dad disowning me
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
