Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I supernannyed him into submission
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
