all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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