when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
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