We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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