O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
