Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
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