We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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