I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
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