WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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