Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
