my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
