dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
