I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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