Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
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