So gin and wine won't be happening again
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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