She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
