I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
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