.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
