I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
