Well apparently he's into motor boating.
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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