Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
