I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize