The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
