I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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