I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
