He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
i believe in u and ur pee
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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