Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize