Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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