I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
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