It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Randomize
