He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
You took a bar mat shot.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
