Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
time to smoke my breakfast
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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