That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize