Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I'm getting married
To pizza
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Randomize
