The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
