he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
