You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
