I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
