therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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