Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
