I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Randomize
