Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Randomize
