I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
