Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
