At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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