this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
the day after is always just damage control
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
