DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize