After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
