I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
