Why does Corona taste like a burp?
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
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