Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
