11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
