In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize