can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
