happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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