You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize