This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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